I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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