jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
