i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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