Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
