Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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