I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I could fuck to npr.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
