I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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