Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
