this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
