remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
