He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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