She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
