Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
