if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
