you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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