he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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