I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
