turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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