The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
