not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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