the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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