You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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