Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
