my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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