And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
