i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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