dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
