she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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