so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
