i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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