six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
