You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
FUCK WHALES
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
