i just made my gag reflex go away.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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