I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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