my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
