im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We left an ass print on the piano.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
