You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
