just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
