Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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