we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
