the condom got lost in my hair
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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