Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
