He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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