i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
