Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
