cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
