I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
