Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
