wake up i wanna do it froggy style
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
