his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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