If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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