Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
