ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
false alarm. still invincible.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
