Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
