There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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