I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
