So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
