Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
