You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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