Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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