just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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