Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
