Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
