Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
